GoNow Missions

Have any of you ever turn and run from something that terrified you? I have. During the fall semester, I learned about this organization called GoNow. It's an organization that sends college students that have a heart for serving God out into the world to serve Him. My boyfriend went to Portland last summer because of this. He told me all about it and how it completely changed his life. One night at the BSM, Ben (the head director) spoke about this organization. We were all given a brochure that had descriptions of all the different missions that were available to us. I began to look through it and there was one mission in particular that caught my eye. It was very, very much what I love to do. I had never been on a mission before and although I had thought about it before, I never went through with it. The thought of going on a mission absolutely terrified me. I didn't think that I was spiritually, physically, or mentally mature or ready to do something like that. I always had doubts about my abilities. I kept thinking that I wouldn't be good enough or that I'd end up turning people away from God instead of brining them to Him. I kept pushing the idea of missions into the back of my head and never thought that I would ever go on a mission. However, I could feel God pushing me and trying to tell me that this is what He wanted me to do, I just kept ignoring Him. Finally, one night during my small group, I had this strange feeling come over me. I automatically knew that God was finally snapping me out of my hesitancy and saying, "Child, this is what I want you to do. Do it." The very next day, I talked to Ben and he helped ease a lot of the worries that I had about myself. I knew before that God would never put me into a situation that I couldn't handle or somewhere that I wouldn't thrive. My only problem was the fact that I couldn't understand why He wanted me to do missions. I just felt that I wasn't good enough because of all the things I've done and the experiences that I've had. I couldn't get past that. I had no idea what to do at this point. After a few conversations that I had with my friends and boyfriend, I started feeling a lot better about myself. I became confused as to why I thought I wasn't ready or good enough for missions. It's a very silly notion when you think about it. Well, I finally started and finished the application for GoNow and I got invited to attend Discovery Day. Discovery Day is a day when you get interviewed and the leaders of GoNow get to know you better so that they can place you in a mission that you will succeed in. You get to tell them your top 3 choices of missions and then they decide if those are fit for you. I hadn't gotten Tennessee out of my mind since last fall, so that was definitely my number one choice. After going through all the Discovery Day festivities, I got an email that very night telling me where I was appointed. I'm going to Tennessee! I honestly can't tell you how extremely excited and blessed I am to be appointed there. That's what God put on my heart and to know that other people feel as though that's a perfect fit for me is beyond amazing. However, now that I know where I'll be serving for the summer, I have absolutely no motivation for school. I just want to be in Tennessee. I'm so ready to be doing God's work, I don't want to do my school work. It's very challenging because I know how important school is, but I can't get myself to care for it anymore than I do. It also doesn't help that I only have about a month left of it either. I know that I'll get through it and it'll end before I know it, so I've just got to take it one day at a time. Another challenge for me is to be away from my family for the entire summer. I'm very family oriented and knowing that I won't see them for two months straight is difficult for me. I hate that I won't be with them, but I know that this is what God wants me to do. By serving this summer, I already know that my life will be changed. I'll be able to use what I learn in my every day life. It's definitely going to benefit me in the long run and I can't wait to experience it.

MSU: Spring '13

You know the saying, "everything happens for a reason?" I have every reason to believe that this saying is true. I believe that I chose to attend MSU for so many, many different reasons. I'll name a few of the major ones off: meeting Mark (I swear he's my soul mate), picking majors (physical therapy), becoming an RA, and meeting Sierra and Mae (two of my super good friends). I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't have come here. I've thought about this before. For example, I wouldn't have met Mark. So, if I went to college somewhere else, would I have found somebody else or would I still be looking for that perfect guy? So many different thoughts and questions run through my head, but the only thing I can do is thank God that He guided me in the right direction. Without Him, I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be living the life that I'm living now. I'm so blessed to be where I am and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I know that I'm meant to be here and that this is where I belong. Mae and Sierra are two of the most amazing people I've ever met. They're strong in their faith of God, like me, and we get along great. I'm so lucky to have two female inspirations in my life. I think they're fantastic. 

I know that the road isn't always going to look as bright as it does now, but I also know that Mark, Sierra, Mae, and God will always be at my side. God is my strong tower, Mark is my heart, Sierra and Mae are my accountability partners. I need each and every one of them in my life and I don't want to lose any of them. I can't afford to lose any of them. This is only my second semester here at MSU and I know that things can only get better (fingers crossed). Becoming an RA in my second semester of college isn't that easy. My residents don't really acknowledge me and I can fully understand why. I replaced their first RA and they aren't really in need of me anymore. I would be the same if I was in their position. However, I still have to try to get acquainted with them. It's my job and it seems like it's going to be quite difficult, but I'm ready and I'm prepared for that. I know I can handle anything that comes my way because God is with me and I can lean on Him and He'll give me the strength I need to get things done. I thank God for every day that I'm alive. All glory goes to Him.

!@#$%

Complications...

We all experience complications in our every day lives. I can't think of a time when I didn't have something complicated going on. My question is, how do we handle those situations? Take mine, for example. I have a really good friend, who just so happens to be my RA as well. She's dating my best friend from high school and I'm dating her ex. She's a great person and I'm so glad that she makes my best friend happy. However, certain conversations have taken place and I'm not so sure that I'm fond of that relationship anymore. Take for example the fact that she's told me numerous times that she isn't fond of my relationship right now. It's not that she doesn't like my boyfriend, she's just super protective of me and cares a lot for me. I completely understand that, but no offense, I know I have more experience/knowledge when it comes to relationships than she does. One of my biggest pet peeves is when somebody compares themselves to others...*ahem.* She seems to like putting my boyfriend down. She complained about, whenever they were dating, how he never bought her anything, he was immature and super cheap. I've known this guy for about four months now and he's basically spoiled me. I can't tell you how many different things he's bought me or how many dates we've been on. Also, while she was dating my boyfriend, they wrote notes to each other and whatnot. Well, now that I'm dating the same guy, we do that too. So she told me that she just seeing what they had in "repeat." Are you serious? There is literally ONE similarity in our relationships, and it's the letter writing. How stupid can you be? Don't get me started on that. Anyways, we don't talk about that anymore. I don't understand how somebody who claims to be so Christian can be so judgmental about somebody. Nahmeen? I've gotten to the point where I don't care what she says/thinks, I know how my relationship is and she can just back off.

stress.

Stress.

Stressing out seems to be a very common occurrence nowadays. Geez, I feel like I stress out a lot, which isn't good or healthy. Stressing out is a good way to lose sleep, get headaches, change your appetite and moods, and just make yourself a less happy person. College stresses me out. Not just because of the classes, but because of money. I hate not having a job. It kind of bums me out, in all honesty. I feel like I would be so much more beneficial to myself if I got one. However, I'm applying to be an RA (resident assistant) and I'm praying soooo hard that I get hired. Being an RA would be such a blessing for me and I would be so thankful and appreciative to everybody who helped pick me for the job. If I don't get it, I'll know that it's not the right time for me. God has a plan, and if He doesn't want me to be an RA yet, then I won't be. But I'm praying that now's the right time. I feel like I would be a great RA and role model for the girls in my hallway. I've never wanted something more than this.

Okay, sorry for changing the subject. Back to where I started: STRESS. Quizzes, exams, projects, speeches, applications, extra credit; the list goes on and on. When does it end? Well, never. There are always going to be different things and situations that stress you out. But it's your job to find out the best way to stop stressing and know that everything's going to work out and be fine. I found out that the best way for me to not stress is turning all of my lights off, playing my piano station on Pandora, and BREATHING. Breathing is probably one of the best ways to lose your stress. It helps you calm down, gives you time to think, and just cancels out the high tendency to hyperventilate or freak out, which I still sometimes do. Praying and talking to God, or reading my Bible helps me a lot too. Some people handle stress in a different way, but I found those examples to be the most beneficial to me. Sometimes, driving around alone in my car helps too. What makes it worse is when I'm surrounded by people who aren't stressing out, especially when I know that I have something important to do, but I just can't leave. When I'm stressed out, I normally stay away from people. Unless you're special, but I can only think of one other person I'd be with if I was stressing out. Being alone, in a quiet/dark place, and listening to piano music while I breathe is just the best dose of medicine I can take for releasing my stress. Oh, and venting. Don't tell me you've never just wanted to vent to somebody. That helps out a ton too! I've vented about so many things; it works. I promise. Anyways, I'm supposed to be studying right now. I'm taking a break, but now I should probably get back to it. That's all for now. :)

omgomgomgomgomg.

Life changes.

Growing up. Moving away. Going to college. Leaving your family and friends. Leaving the norm of your usual life and learning to live and be responsible for your own self now. How crazy is that? I mean, I feel like just yesterday I was starting my freshman year of high school and now I'm in my freshman year of college. Time flies by and it's never going to stop, no matter how bad you might want it too. I'm now living away from my parents and learning how to do everything on my own. Growing up isn't fun, but it's a way of life.

I'm not saying that I wish I was still a little kid, trust me, I'm not saying that at all. There are times, however, when I do reminisce to my childhood and want to go back and relive some memories. Completely impossible. I can only look ahead and be eager about my future, which I might add, looks extremely bright and exciting. Even though I'm not 100% sure of what I'd like to do yet, I still know that God is going to push me in the right direction. I have full faith in Him and His plan for me. 

When it comes to faith, I'm very strong in mine. (sorry, I got off subject.) But, God is the Almighty Lord and He is my everything. Without Him, I wouldn't be the person that I am today. I've learned so much about Him in these past few months than I have in my whole life. The people that I've met here have given me the push to make myself a better person and I've been inspired by so many of them. I'm so thankful that I chose to attend MSU and that I've met the amazing people that I have. I couldn't have asked for a better situation.